2 Weeks Old!

Happy 2 week birthday Reagan!

I can't believe we have been in the hospital for 2 weeks already.  The time has flown by and I can see why people say that your NICU experience seems like a flash when you look back on it.  I've gotten the chance to talk to some past NICU moms which has been absolutely awesome.  There are so many thoughts and feelings that you have to go through and process and it has been such a blessing to know what we've been going through is completely normal. 

This has been a really exciting week as far as her progress.  The biggest thing is that she is out of the incubator!  This makes it so much easier to hold her and love on her.  Reagan has been maintaining her temperature well and gaining weight daily.  She is up to 4 lbs 9oz and growing!  Right now the only thing keeping her in the NICU is her breathing issues.  I discussed in length with the doctors about her issues and as frustrating as it is, they really don't know what's causing it.  Her other neurological function is so advanced it isn't likely that its 100% apnea of prematurity and it also happens at random times when she is sleeping so it isn't likely that its 100% reflux issues.  We are praying for wisdom and guidance for the physicians and nurses taking care of Reagan.  We also ask for whatever is causing her apnea episodes to be healed so we can take our precious baby home!

Her eating is going fantastically.  So well that we got to remove her feeding tube and I got to see her beautiful face without any tubes.  It doesn't guarantee we won't have to put the tube back in, but we are letting her eat without the tube in case that is causing some of the reflux/apnea issues.

We gave her another bath the other night and she enjoyed it so much more than the first time.  She was wiggling and squirming, loving the attention and the warm water!  She was definitely cracking her mom and dad up...she makes the most adorable faces!

She lost her umbilical cord this week.  They asked me if I wanted to keep it and I politely declined. =)   

I've been back at work for almost a week now and it is not easy. I'm training the people filling in for me while I'll be on maternity leave and finishing up any administration duties I have going on now.  This allows me to be even more flexible and available to take care of Reagan.  I don't think I've longed for the weekend more in my life.  My days end up being really long because I have to break to take care of Reagan.  I wouldn't have it any other way though.  The fact that I get to be with her around the clock is such a tremendous blessing.  I have learned that staying at the hospital is not an option at most hospitals and we are really blessed to be at an institution that allows that.

I do sleep through her 2 am feeding so after I finish taking care of her by 12:30 or so I get to sleep until 4:45.  That's 1 REM cycle! =)  Better than 0 REM cycles! =)

As challenging as it is, these have been the best 2 weeks of our life!  We are so obsessed with this child and fall more and more in love with her every day.

Eatin well and livin good!

Its amazing what an effect a well eating baby has on her parents.  Now that Reagan is eating aggressively, both Larry and I have been able to breathe a little easier.  She is taking her bottle in around 15 minutes and is getting better each time we breastfeed.  She makes the most adorable face when she is breastfeeding...its hard to describe, but its a mixture of shock, confusion and excitement.  Her eyes get really big and its like she's thinking "Whaaaattt?!?!? Milk comes from my mom!?!"  She's eating so well that she is back up to her birth weight! 

Larry has been back at work for a week now, and we really miss him!  He has been spending the night at home to hang with our animals and get a good night's sleep.  His job is one that could be really dangerous for patients if he isn't well rested.  He does make it to her 8am and 8pm bottle feedings and for whatever reason Reagan always eats faster for him than me.  I think she's trying to impress her dad.  Let the finger wrapping begin!

I'm living at the hospital which makes seeing Reagan and taking care of her so much easier than if I were at home.  The nurses say that most NICU moms stay home and come twice a day.  I can certainly understand how that would be necessary for some, but I'm so thankful our hospital has the option for me to be with her.  I don't want to miss one thing just because she's a NICU baby.  I'll never get these first few days back and I'm glad I don't have to miss them!

Our schedule is becoming more routine.  My life is broken up in 3 hour increments which makes the days fly by!  We are in such a good rhythm that I will be returning to work on Monday.  This is absolutely ideal as:

• I can only watch so much HGTV
• Reagan is completely stable.  We are just waiting for her to grow.
• My work is in the same building where I'm staying, so I can come and go as I please and work very flexible hours.
• It saves some of my 12 week FMLA time, which comes into play with keeping our insurance while allowing me to stay out till after the 1st of the year.
• It allows me to somewhat train the people filling in for me when I'm out and wrap up all the things I wanted to do before I left.
• My doctor is 100% in agreement with my decision!

I'm trying to learn as much as I can about caring for a preemie.  Larry and I have come to the decision that daycare for her first year of life in not an ideal option.  So, please be in prayer with us about finding the right person or people to come to our house and take care of our sweet angel.

Reagan has gained some new roommates in the NICU and is by far the most stable.  It has been really eye opening to how blessed we are that Reagan waited as long as she did to get here.  We are so thankful for her progress and thankful for all the love and support you all have given us.  We are truly blessed!



Life in the NICU

Our Reagan is a week old!

I cannot believe she has been in the NICU for a week.  Larry and I are so in love with our sweet little girl and just fall more in love each and every day.  I can't believe its possible to love this much.  Its like overnight my heart grew exponentially and I just cant get enough of her! 


Having a baby in the NICU provides its own set of challenges that we have been working through.  Although there are many things that are not easy, we are so blessed that our biggest concern is not being able to spend every second with her and not that she is requiring excessive medical intervention.  We praise God that she continues to make progress each day. As I look back over this week it shows me just how far she has come.


Her first day in the NICU was a complete blur to me.  She was requiring some oxygen to keep her sats in the normal range but the rest of her health was in perfect shape.  The doctors and nurses have always commented that her development seemed to be further along than her gestational age.  This has been such a comfort to Larry and I and it was just another reminder that God's timing is perfect and there is no doubt that this was the time when Reagan was supposed to be here.

Over then next couple of days we kind of waited with baited breath.  We were warned that she would lose weight and that her bilirubin would climb to a level that would require phototherapy.  She came off of supplemental oxygen within 24 hours which was her only "premature" issue, but a 10% weight loss in a 4lb 4 oz baby is a little more problematic since she needs absolutely every ounce for temperature regulation and to maintain her blood glucose.  Just as we were told she slowly lost weight over the next 5 days and her bilirubin climbed high enough on day 2 where she required phototherapy.  The days where she was under the lights were probably the most difficult for us.  It really limited how much we could hold her and love on her, which has been really important for my mental state.  During those days I lived for our "Kangaroo Care" time, which is basically about an hour a day of skin to skin contact.  Just getting to smell her and stare at her is the most amazing thing. 

Reagan got to meet her Mimi and Papa, Grandma and Grandpa (they are going to let Reagan pick their grandparent name), Uncle Trevor, Aunt Kitty and Uncle Christian and several of our friends in the first couple of days of her life.  It is so wonderful to have such an amazing family.  Reagan is so blessed by the long line of God seeking people in her life, and we are blessed with their guidance.

The nurses laugh because little Reagan is so unbelievably active.  She loves to kick her legs and wave her arms.  She is super tactile, wanting to hold on to something as you try to care for her or feed her.  This makes changing diapers very tricky!  She does the exact same things now that she did in the womb.  She loves to stick at least one foot straight out, which she used to do to my stomach, and stick her rear in the air, which always ended up in my side.

We finally got rid of her IV on her 6th day in the NICU.  At one point they had to put the line in her head vein and momma did NOT like this one bit.  It made her a lot more comfortable so that made me feel a lot better about it.  She also came out from under the lights on her 7th day in the NICU.  This has made it so much easier to hold her and love on her.

Breastfeeding is super important for preemies.  (Don't worry I won't show pictures) So the second I got to my post partum room I asked for a pump to get this going.  Its the one think that makes me feel like I'm helping, so I absolutely agonized until my milk came in.  I'm thankful for the advice and help from my friends and family, because I hadn't exactly had a chance to take my breast feeding classes.  The nurses always brag on my milk which is super hilarious, but it absolutely makes my day and makes me feel like I'm a good mom!


We started out on tube feeds and have gradually increased those as she has been tolerating them and on her 5th day we starting introducing a bottle.  She sucked her first bottle down like a champ!  She is getting 2 out of her 8 feeds via bottle and we practice breastfeeding for another 2 of her feedings.  She does great when she's not tired, but tuckers out pretty quickly.  Larry got "christened" with spit up once right before he went to work.  The nurses are so impressed with Larry and how involved he is in Reagan's life but I'm not surprised one bit..He loves his girls! 

Larry and I gave Reagan her first bath...she was less than thrilled

We have our weak moments where we ask ourselves why...why did this happen, why does this innocent baby have to go through all of this, what is God's purpose for this, etc.  We don't have any of the answers but we trust that our Lord is only good and we submit to His plan for us and for Reagan.  We know how much He loves Reagan and will show His love and grace through her.

The Best Day of our Life!

I am intimidated thinking about how to put into words the roller coaster Larry, Reagan and I have been on these past 24 hours.  There were many highs and lows and very scary points where delivery got very serious and time was of the essence.  We were incredibly blessed with some of the most amazing, nurses, respiratory therapists, and physicians I could have asked for.  Their intensity and focus was impressive and I feel like God worked through them to truly protect our baby's life.

One thing I can say is this, your prayers gave Larry and I so much support and confidence that we would just not have had without them.  The Lord has been so faithful and has answered each and every request with a resounding YES!

Yesterday we had made the decision that we were going to induce.  I was showing signs of labor and the couple of days to let the lungs further develop was not going to make enough of a difference to risk infection.  So I was started on pitocin and the waiting began.  After about 3 hours, I hadn't progressed enough for how much pitocin I was getting and when they checked me they actually found out that I had a second sac that had not been broken. 

I think everyone sort of put the brakes on for a second and we all talked about the options of the risk of a "slow amniotic leak" vs the risk of inducing this sweet preemie.  I love that my physician took the step back to re-assess.  As my time in the medical field has shown me, its those that don't think about and re-evaluate what the plan is or have too much of an ego are the ones that get into trouble.

Because I was laboring on my own, and Reagan was looking so good on the monitors, we decided to proceed.   After my second amniotic bag was broken the contractions came on quickly and much more intense.  My nurses had me flip from side to side to help Reagan descend down as much as possible to help me dilate further.  It was when I was changing sides, that Reagan started getting into distress.  The nurses couldn't find a heartbeat and when they did it was really slow.  My nurses got really serious about helping Reagan get into a position to where she could descend through the birth canal without going into more distress.  Because she was so little, her head would not engage to help me further dilate so my nurses helped me dilate fully (thanking the Lord for my epidural at this point) and called Dr Garant to the delivery room.  For the first time in my adult life, Reagan and I were completely in the hands of others.  I had no knowledge to fall back on, no experience to draw from, and certainly no control over whether I'd hear Reagan cry when she entered the world.  I had to trust that they could bring Reagan into the world pink and screaming!

Growing up I never got how people idolized my father for taking care of them or their family member.  Being a surgeon was just his job, just like anyone else's, certainly not something to fawn all over.  Well after this experience I totally get it.  The Lord worked through these specific people to get Reagan here safely and I owe these people everything.  I have such a new and fresh love and appreciation for nurses and their serving heart.  What they do is incredible, they were with me in one of the most emotional, challenging, and at the same time glorious times of my life.  They invested a piece of themselves in my life for that time and I will be eternally in debt to them for getting Reagan here safely.

There was one time where emergency C section was brought up, but my nurse looked me in the eye and told me that I could do it, I could get her here, but I was going to have to do it quickly and she asked me if I was up to it.  At that point I could have lifted a car off the ground, of course I would do it.  So after a very intense 10 minutes, which was 9 minutes too long, my doctor exclaimed that she was here.

I will never be able to put into words what it was like to hear her cry for the first time.  Its what I had waited 7 months for, and what my whole world was hanging on.  The room went completely still and silent as Dr. Garant sucked out her mouth and nose and then I heard a sound that I will never forget, her meek, but intent, healthy cry.  Dr Garant flipped Reagan onto my chest and I immediately began crying tears of unbridled joy.  As I looked at that child I realized my whole world had changed, I was a mother to the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

The respiratory therapist and NICU doctors took Reagan pretty quickly and began working on her.  Larry stayed by her side and watched as they began assessing her breathing.  I could still hear her cry and the NICU doctor  leaned over and said she was going to be just fine.  They didn't need to intubate or give surfactant, just give her some oxygen.  My whole body relaxed which only made the tears come faster.  I kept saying over and over how happy I was.

The placed her on my chest and I got to get a good look at our beautiful baby girl.  I remember thinking how much I loved her instantly and how much I loved Larry and our little family.

Larry was absolutely incredible through all of this. He helped me deliver, kept me calm even when I was wide-eyed and anxious, and helped out the nurses.  He stayed with our sweet Reagan as she was whisked to the NICU and asked all the right questions that I was too delirious to ask or comprehend.  He was the perfect partner.  Looking at Larry I am so humbled by how much God loves me.  The fact that he would give me someone so incredible and such a perfect fit for me is such a testament to his love.

Its a day I'll never forget and a day I'll cherish forever.

September 7, 2011 - Reagan's Birthday!

Since I've been having signs of going into labor, my doctor feels like the infection risk is getting to the point where it is safer to induce.  The neonatologist is in agreement that it is safe for Reagan to get here so here we go!  We really appreciate all your prayers for Reagan's safe arrival and for the wisdom and skill of our physicians by our Great Physician.  We love her so much already and I have full confidence that the Lord is leading our physicians in the right direction.

Progress?

Well its hard to tell....

I can say that I've had way more contractions this morning/yesterday than I did at the same time the previous 24 hours, but they haven't had much of a pattern that i can tell and still seem to be pretty random.  The nurses say that can stay like that for days or they could organize quickly and she could come today, so who knows.

My doctor and my "maternal instincts", for what that is worth, feels completely comfortable with her coming.  I'm so torn between wanting her here (and for something to happen besides sitting around) and wanting her to stay nice and safe inside of me.  Which I know, is getting more dangerous each day so that is becoming less and less of a comfort for me.

Random thought:  I am way too impatient to be an OB doctor.  I would probably want to induce everyone just to get the show on the road!  Or, have a ton of patients so that there was always someone having their baby....probably not as great for the home life.

Larry is not a good sit around and do nothing kinda guy.  LOVE this about him around the house, cause he's always up and getting this project or that project done.  Its a little more difficult for him in this situation because he does not want to leave our side on one hand but on the other, needs something to do!  Thankfully some of his sweet friends came and took him out to dinner last night to kinda get a change of pace and talk about something else other than NICU preemie babies and contracting wives.  He's also going to go back to work this morning, which we're both sure is going to send me into labor.  He's only 20 minutes away so he can be here at a moment's notice when we get closer.

Reagan is doing fantastic.  We haven't had any scares with her heart rate or movement.  She is still not used to her monitors and plays with them regularly.  To her mother, she already seems to have such a little personality and she seems just as sweet as she is determined.  She really doesn't kick back when we mess with her little feet or booty, but almost seems to be playing back with you.  She also doesn't give up until she is in the exact spot she wants to be or has gotten me to move in a way that she can be in her most preferred spot.  This might sound totally crazy, but I'm going to pull the preterm preggo, sittin around doing nothing else card on this one =)

Probably one of the most challenging thing has been wrapping my mind around having a baby within days.  I really thought I had at least another month to finish reading books about breastfeeding, make decisions about birth plans, finish the nursery and get things squared away at work.  I'd much rather her have waited to her due date so we wouldn't have to go through all this worry, but I take comfort though that the Lord knows what He is doing and His timing is perfection.

That being said I have come up with a few benefits of giving birth early.  I know He has way more in-depth reasons for having Reagan come early than what my human mind can imagine, but I made a feeble attempt anyway:

I get to avoid stretch marks that everyone says pops up in the last few weeks of pregnancy

I get to avoid the last 2 months of pregnancy discomfort.....enough said

No more heartburn...see previous

I am forced to hand my job over completely and can't agonize about this detail or that detail before my departure..thank you Lord

I get to learn how to accept help and rely on others which is a big struggle for me

I have been able to see people's beautiful spirits of servitude and generosity

I have been convicted that my prayer life could use some improvement....nothing like a crisis to realize how beautiful a relationship with my Father I'm given that I can sometimes take for granted

I have been able to see how many GREAT friends that Larry and I have

I have been able to see in yet another way what an AMAZING husband I have, and there is no one else on earth that I'd rather go through something like this with.

Thank you all again for keeping up with us.  We are strengthened by your thoughts and prayers and are hopeful for another uneventful day!

The Waiting Game

Well, we are enjoying being relatively boring patients after a mostly uneventful night.

We only had one scare where Reagan's heartbeat dropped below where the nurses were uncomfortable, but after some repositioning she has been perfect ever since.

My OB was here this morning and so we got to see her for the first time since being admitted due to the holiday.  It was great to see her just to have someone who knows us and Reagan.  We attempted a test to evaluate the amniotic fluid to determine if Reagan's lungs are ready or not, but weren't able to get an adequate sample so we're going to wait on that.

As of right now Reagan looks like she's doing really well.  She's making plenty of her own amniotic fluid right now and is currently kicking the heck out of the monitors that are tracking her progress.

I've had some occasional contractions but nothing with any intensity or regularity.

What the doctors are saying:

• Reagan can come any day she wants, and when she does, it will most likely be quickly.  My OB is happy to let me deliver any time and has again reassured me that we are in a good place with Reagan's progress.
• I will not be going beyond 34 weeks.  If we hit the 34 week mark and I haven't progressed any we will induce because the risk of infection is too great for mother and baby to outweigh the danger of coming early
• The pharmacist in me has asked to switch up my antibiotics to a more "up to date" regimen.  The drugs that had me on work just fine, but have a few more side effects....I bet the docs LOVE having a pharmacist for a patient  ;-)

Mom and Dad are in a much more comfortable place as far as Reagan's safety is concerned.  I spent a ton of time last night researching caring for a premie as well as informing myself as much as possible about what to expect during these next couple of days.

I think my body is on mommy time already.  I sleep for about 2-3 hours and then am wide awake for an hour or so and do that pretty much all day and night.  Probably why I got so much "research" done last night.

Larry and I are so comforted by all your thoughts and prayers.  In fact, last night Larry was commenting on how truly amazing the number of people that were praying for us and little Reagan.  The Lord has given us so much peace and confidence over the last 24 hours and we know that it is in part to your prayer!  We have truly great friends and family and feel blessed beyond anything we deserve.

We love you all!

Ready or Not!

We are sharing this journey on the very wise suggestion of my friend Amy Zoch, who realized keeping everyone updated on the goings on may get a little overwhelming, and somehow you just can't say in a text message everything that needs to be said!

So here we are, soon to be family of three, which normally would have us jumping for joy other than the fact that our sweet Reagan is only 32 weeks along.  Now for anyone who has twins, or knows of a "micro-premie" that may not seem too early, but for this momma, 8 weeks is early enough to make us thoroughly nervous. 

I always knew that this child was coming early, I just had no idea it would be this early.  My physician has been telling me to take it slow and for the most part I have been doing my best.  Larry has been super husband/dad, painting the babies room, doing most of the chores around the house and catering to my every need.  Before he left to go on his annual dove hunting trip with his friends he was nervous about leaving, which I thought was completely ridiculous.  Of course it was safe for him to go...or so I thought.

I made a quick trip to Houston Friday night to pick up the artwork for Reagan's room, grab a fabulous dinner with Rachel Tonick at Hugo's (definitely recommend) stay with her for the night and use her mompertise to help me finish registering for baby shower's and such.  After dinner at Hugo's I began having these sharp stabbing pains in my abdomen for which I quickly passed off as gas pain.  OK....for those of you that know in more detail my medical history...WHEN WHEN WHEN will I learn that its NOT gas pain!  Ha!  My kidney stones were NOT "gas pain," my acute appendicitis was NOT gas pain and premature labor is....NOT "gas pain."  Well maybe someday I'll learn that lesson.

Anyway, because I had a busy day Friday I decided to take Saturday and Sunday completely off until my mom and brother got into town for the A&M/SMU game (WHOOP!) and my dear friends Dana and Sheila came for a quick visit.  I will spare the more graphic details, but basically my water broke around lunch time Sunday and I didn't really have an idea until it became much more obvious Sunday night.  Although I acknowledged it as a possibility, the thought that my water broke so early, especially with Larry out of town, was just too much to wrap my head around.  Because I wasn't having any contractions I decided to go to bed and call my doctor in the morning.  Well at 4 in the morning it was very obvious that it was time to go to the hospital.  I woke up with a strong conviction from the Holy Spirit that I needed to go in and with the encouragement of my mother we were out the door

The Lord has been so gracious and planned this out perfectly.  Praise Him that my mom was here already and that Larry was in such close proximity that he could get here quickly. 

So what the doctors are saying: 

• I'm on antibiotics to prevent infection which is our #1 enemy right now.  Because my water broke we are at a higher risk for infection so I'm on around the clock dosing and will be as long as we are waiting for her to get here,
• I have received one dose of steroids to help Reagan's lungs to mature, which is our #2 enemy.  Ideally we'd like to get two of these doses in before she comes with about 12 hours on the other side of the dose, so if Reagan can just hold on till tomorrow morning that will be a big win
• This hospital does a lot of premature twin births, so my 32 week baby is not a huge deal to them...very comforting.  Survivability isn't even in their vocabulary, they are not worried about that one bit.  Her length of time in the NICU is what is a big question mark is right now and the closer I can get her to 34 weeks the shorter of an NICU stay it will be and her risk of being intubated goes down dramatically.
• When she will get here...the other question mark.  80% of the women in my situation give birth within 24 hours of water breaking.  We are approaching that deadline so it looks promising that I'll make it further along....no way of knowing how long though
• When she'll go home...this will depend on when she comes and what kind of problems we'll face when she gets here.  Before leaving she must:
• Regulate her own temperature without the need for heat lamps
• Eat all of her meals from me
• Gain weight
• Not need supplemental oxygen

The Lord has spoken such beautiful words of encouragement and comfort through our friends and family.  I can't thank you all enough for being His vessels.  Every story, encouraging scripture and prayer have strengthened us beyond anything we are capable of alone.  We are hoping for a very uneventful next couple of weeks.  Thank you all for your love and support.  We plan on keeping everyone updated via this blog as long as we're able.

I'll leave you with some scripture that friends have shared that have been especially comforting:

"For I know the plans I have for [Reagan]," declares the Lord,
Plans to prosper [Reagan] and not to harm [Reagan], plans to give her hope and a future..."  
Jeremiah 29:11

God will supply all your needs from His GLORIOUS riches in Christ Jesus

Philippians 4:19

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God

Philippians 4:6